Most days I find it easy to relive these moments, as painful as some of them are. Today is not one of those days.
Each day brings its own set of problems, and I am completely used to dealing with the stress, struggle and sadness that our current situation brings. Other days, much like today, I would rather just curl up in a ball and cry.
I’ll attempt to break it down for you…
CPS. I am a good mom and I pride myself on being a good mom. I want my kids to always know that I have always given them 110% of myself. In no way shape or form should I have ever been thrown into the middle of a CPS report, especially one that puts me as the “abuser”. Not only “my” kids, but all kids. I coached dance for years, for little kids starting at the age of 3 and all the way through 6th graders. I teach Sunday School and have for years. I love kids. The ones I birthed, my step kids and all other kids that have a role in my life. I have given my all to my children, which include my stepkids, and not once has there been any actions done by me or Dad that could be portrayed as “abuse”. I know that CPS dropped the entire case and found not one single ounce of it to be true, but it still hurts my heart that I got put into that mix.
My children. My children deserve to have their family together. Their sisters are choosing to not take part in their lives right now and it kills me to watch them be hurt by it. Countless days end in a conversation where my small children are talking about how they miss their sisters and asking us why they don’t come home. How do you explain this situation to a small child? It’s not possible.
My relationship. Dad and I have usually never struggled the way we are, but our family is completely broken right now. We have no idea how to make things go back to how it should be and it’s causing so much tension between the two of us. What makes me more angry is that this exact situation that we’re in is exactly what DB wants. She wants our world’s to be so damaged that it hurts us enough to break us apart.
Today is just not a great day…
Today is a sad day…